Godly discipline

Greetings my brothers and sisters in Christ,

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog, but this is one that just kind of happened during a discussion with a friend, and I wanted to share because I know this is a tough one for many Christian parents. There’s a new trend that becoming very popular called positive parenting. I’m not sure how long it’s been a thing, but the idea/heart behind it has been in existence since before my time. As a matter of fact, I believe this is one of the major reasons we have so much trouble in schools. They banned this form of discipline. I've been looking into positive parenting to see what it’s all about and while I do agree with some of the aspects, it’s important as Christians not to get it confused with godly parenting. Our basis of living as Christians should be based from the Bible and not new movements. As the world waxes worse and worse, it is essential that we stick to the Bible closer than ever before, else we can be fooled easily by these new movements that pop up. They make so much sense and seem so right, but examine them closely according to the Word of God, and you’ll notice that they don’t line up. I pray as you read this excerpt that you read with an open heart and mind, put your emotions aside, and look for the truth (God’s Word is truth- check out my blog on truth)

One issue with positive parenting (or anything similar) is that it neglects God, and specifically eliminates the very thing God says to do- give the rod to our children. Now, it is my personal belief that the Bible is very clear on sparing the rod, and spoiling the child. In the famous 23^rd Psalm, the psalmist writes, “thy rod and thy staff they comfort me all the days of my life.” The rod and staff is actually one long stick with a crook at the end of it. See, shepherds guide their sheep, but the guiding part is more so with their staff.  When you study, you’ll see that if a sheep goes wayward, or the shepherd is tired, or if he needs to redirect the sheep, he will use his staff. But if there is an unruly sheep or sheep about to eat something harmful, the shepherd will literally hit the sheep with his rod. I love how James Parker, aka Logos, puts it, “You comfort me with your staff, but sometimes I need your rod..”

The original meaning of the word rod in its context and original language:

Rod-

Original Hebrew: shebet

Meaning: from an unused root meaning to branch off; a scion, ie (literally) a stick (for punishing, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.) or (figurately) a clan:- correction, dart, rod, sceptre, staff, tribe.

Sparing the rod has its own negative implications that are very clear. First, the child will be spoiled, according to scripture (and from personal experience). In that, just to go a little deeper, when a child is spoiled that essentially means that a child will be accustomed to getting what he/she wants. This leads to the second big problem- they will NOT understand God and His character. God gives us His rod, though its technically not a physical rod, we do get the rod- afflictions, test, trials, etc. The purpose of the rod is to inflict pain. See pain/affliction helps us to see more clearly. Creator designed us that way. Pain/affliction teaches us. If we touch a hot stove, the pain from touching the hot stove will remind us next time not to touch the hot stove. Now, you will have some more stubborn people who will touch the stove again, but they’ll learn eventually or they’ll just continue getting hurt.

More importantly, the administration of the rod TEACHES FEAR! The FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It teaches us to reverence and fear God. It teaches us to use wisdom. It teaches us to think ahead and consider- do I really want to go there? Do I really want to do that? As parents, we must train our children up in the way that they should go. If we don’t instill these values in them when they’re young, the lack thereof will follow them into adulthood (but for the grace of God). It doesn’t matter if they seem quiet, have it all together, perfect child, even if it seems like talking to them is working. We are addressing issues of the heart. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, and the ROD OF CORRECTION, will drive it far from them. (Prov 22:15). (That rod mentioned here is literally referring to a stick) The truth of the matter is that every child will have foolishness bound in their heart- even my own children. Every child expression of foolishness will be different. Some deal with pride, others deal with selfishness, others have tempers, others deal with anger, etc… but it is there. Therefore, every child will need discipline. Some will need a little more discipline than others. There are many ways to discipline our children- taking items, quiet corners, knees, counseling, etc… but God is very clear on one that He wants us to use. (The others were essentially taught to us by the world). Some forms of discipline will work better on some than others, but the key is please do not neglect the rod. It works and it will work every time. We don’t need worldly theologies on how to discipline our children. God has already given us the best instructions.

We must realize that we are stepping in God's stead on earth as parents when we raise our children. This is no frivolous task. This is serious. By no means are we God to our children, but we are to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1) in character and in spirit. I saw one person comment on discipline recently, "I will discipline my kids how God disciplines me." I learn a lot about God through parenting my children. That's because He wants us to parent them as He parents us. He's our good, good Father. Imitate means to copy, so we must copy His ways- so that when they are older, they will fully understand the ways and character of God. Our desire is to be more like God. Not to be God-, that is pride, which is the very sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven. Part of our job is instilling a fear/reverence for God in our children. Part of our job as parents is helping them recognize when God is chastising them for wrong decisions. Remember we are training them up. Training them up for what? Adulthood. So what we do in their childhood will have a big impact on how they live their adulthood. Even us, there's things if you sit and think about that our parents did to us that plays a big factor into how we live our adult lives. 

Ladies, let me talk to you for a moment: women have the hardest time disciplining their children. It’s just the way God made us- we’re nurturers by nature. Trust me, I know it's hard to whip our little babies. But just because it is hard for us does not mean that it excuses us from disciplining our children in a godly manner.  As a matter of fact, if we don’t, God clearly tells us an undisciplined child will bring his/her MOTHER to shame.

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15

Most men, especially if raised by a father figure in the home, usually don’t have a problem disciplining because God designed them that way.

Here is my disclaimer. Sometimes we must have compassion- just sit down and talk with them, oftentimes letting them know, look you deserve the rod, but I will have mercy on you- another concept that we must teach them because that’s an important quality of God. Sometimes our children may even need counseling,  etc. I also believe that a child should specifically know why they are being reprimanded. We should never discipline out of anger, stress, etc… Understand, if we sit back and let them “think” about it and reflect on what they did, they won’t fully understand why what they did is wrong, and even if they do, 9 times out of 10 will end up doing the same thing(s) over and over again (pain will teach them no). Positive parenting will seem like it’s working, but in the end, you’ll see how tangled up that foolishness is bound in your child’s heart. Bound means its in there deep, and it will eventually surface. It will not produce the peaceable fruits of righteousness.

I do hope that I explained this in an understanding and loving way, and I hope you understand that just because you whip/spank your children does not mean you don’t love them or want to hurt them.  The very opposite is true. The Bible actually says those who don’t actually hate their child (WHOA). Disciplining the godly way will produce the PEACEABLE fruits of righteousness. Your home will be blessed, and peace will reign. You won’t have all that yelling and screaming… Oh, and keep in mind that as a parent, you are the authority, not your child. This is God’s desire for our families.

I hope this blesses you. May God bless and keep you and your family.

With Love,

Abbie

Spiritually Konnected